Top 5 Most Ridiculous NFL Stories of 2008 (so far)

5. Mike Singletary & His Pants- Mike Singletary took over as the 49ers Head Coach mid-way through the 2008 season. In his debut game the 49ers were losing by quite a bit going into halftime. In the locker room, Singletary had time for a quick pep-talk. What did he do to rally the troops? He dropped trou, meaning he took off his pants, to show the team how "embarassed" he was. In an attempt to explain this baffling course of action, Singletary said, "I've only got so much time [at halftime]"

4. Bret Favre & The Madden Curse- The Madden Curse is a curse that seems to have affected every NFL player that has graced the cover of the Madden NFL video game since they stopped putting Madden on the cover in 1999. A few of the example of players who have been affected by the curse are Micheal Vick just before his injury, Shaun Alexander just before HIS injury and Vince Young just before a memorably terrible year. Micheal Vick has been convicted of dog fighting and is no longer playing in the NFL, Shaun Alexander was cut from the Seahawks (one of the worst teams in 2008) this year, and Vince Young was benched and has been contemplating suicide. In short, for a decade now, terrible things happen to anyone who is put on the cover of that game.
It was time for it to stop.
So, EA did the smartest thing possible. They put a retired player on the cover. No one could deny Bret Favre was a great choice for the cover, and what could possibly happen to him? He was already retired.
Well, let's quickly review what DID happen:
Bret Favre decided he did NOT want to retire and accused his team of forcing him into the decision. The team responded that they could no longer use him and it was time to look to the future and told him not to come to training camp. Favre and Green Bay's argument descended into a child-like elementary school argument of pointing fingers, insults and threats. One of football's most respected heroes lost most of the esteem he had achieved in one short preaseason and ended up being traded to the NY Jets after trying to "call Green Bay's bluff." He has also recently been accused of giving insider secrets of the Packers to the Detroit Lions (a team he is in NO way affiliated with) just so they could beat his ex-team, the Packers.
The Madden Curse is real. If it can affect a retired NFL player, it will affect anyone.

3. Al Davis, Lane Kiffin & the Incredible 76 Yard Field Goal-

While playing the San Diego Chargers earlier this year, the Oakland Raiders Lane Kiffin called for a 76 yard field goal to try to get points on the board before the half. That is over 3/4 of the length of a football field. The wind was even blowing toward Janikowski, the kicker making the attempt. The kick did not even get to the other team's end-zone. Kiffin, who had tried to resign before the season, had already been told he would be fired at the end of the season by the owner Al Davis, so I guess he figured, "why the hell not?"
Lane Kiffin was fired by Al Davis the next day.

Al Davis called an over half-hour press conference on why he fired Kiffin for his "web of lies" and conspiracy. The conference was replete with pointless visual aids and accusations that respected media members were lying. Lying about specifics that absolutely no one cared about at all, except, apparently, Al Davis. At one point he said, "I was going to do this, but I AM going to this," before showing everyone a letter on overhead; this preparation clearly shows Al had every intention of "doing this."
Al Davis has also fired Jon Gruden and Mike Shannahan. Both have since won superbowls with other teams. John Madden also retired as head coach of the Raiders because he could no longer put up with Al Davis.
Next year, I think Al Davis needs to be on the cover of Madden NFL.

2. Tatum Bellhop- Running Back Rudi Johnson was cut from his team in pre-season NFL. After hearing this, the Detroit Lions invited him to try out for their team. Rudi Johnson beat out the current Running Back, Tatum Bell, for the starting job. Tatum Bell was consequently cut from the team. Upon returning to the locker room after practice, Rudi Johnson found that Tatum Bell had stolen his bags in some pouty toddler-like veangence. It was all caught on locker room security cameras. Tatum has earned the nickname Tatum Bellhop for his "help" in moving Rudi Johnson's bags.

1. Chad Ocho Cinco- Marquee player Chad Johnson of the Cincinatti Bengals is known for his end zone dances. He has also garnered the nick name "Ocho Cinco" for the number 85 he wears. Well, the nickname apparently wasn't good enoough for Chad, as he decided to legally change his name to Chad Ocho Cinco, becoming the only person in the world with the last name Ocho Cinco. Chad Ocho Cinco's jersey still reads C. Johnson, because Reebok refuses to scrap all the jersey they have created and change them to Ocho Cinco. The best part of this story? Ocho Cinco does NOT mean Eighty Five in Spanish, just simply Eight Five.

Top 5 Whistling Solos

Honorable Mentions:

Games without Frontiers by Peter Gabriel

Walk Like an Egyption by The Bangles

Young Folks by Peter, Bjorn and John

The Andy Griffith Show theme

5. Daydream-Lovin' Spoonful. About a minute in.

4. Winds of Change-Scorpions. At the beginning.

3. Don't Worry Be Happy- Bobby McFerrin. At the beginning.

2. Whistle Stop-Roger Miller a.k.a Disney's Robin Hood Theme Song. Er...the whole damn song.

1. Dock of The Bay-Otis Redding. About 2 and half minutes in.

Top 5 Beers I Have Drunk

To clarify: These are the best individual beers I've everdrunk, so it is only part taste, part good memories, and part overall experience. This is NOT the best type of beers I've had. Although taste is still important to actually make the top 5.

Honorable Mentions-

My keg stand record-I am definitely not the best drinker among my friends. I'm no slouch, but several of my friends can definitely drink me under the table. I do, however, hold one record that I have yet to see beat. I hold the record for longest keg stand. This is when your friends hold your legs up in the air so you are doing a hand stand on a keg (I'm not sure why this part is necessary) and you suck beer from the keg tap as long as you can. It is a pointless record, and I should take no pride in this lame college tradition, and yet I do take pride, I believe the beer that night was filled with Heineken, but it might have been Bud. For obvious reasons, I no longer remember.

Boddington's with Rick, my brother.

Odd memory, but, I remember drinking Keystone at my friends' Steve, Chirs, and Katies' apartment, when Ben showed me a Christmas tree decorated with Keystone cans. Should have looked white trash, and yet, it didn't

Miller Hi-Life while watching an awesome meteor shower Antioch
My first Duvel with my Dad- In Seattle with my parents, visiting from college, I poured my beer correctly (on the side of the glass, with just enough head) My dad said, "Somebody learned how to drink beer correctly"


5. The Fat Tire I had at Mucky Duck when I asked my friend Tom to be my Best Man- Fat Tire is fantastic, but it mainly makes the list because of the memory attached. I was actually really nervous that day. I knew Tom wasn't expecting to be asked, but I knew he was the right guy for the job.

4. James Squire Porter at the James Squire Brewery in Australia- Drinking a beer in the same place its brewed is awesome. Especially when its your favorite beer from the country you're currently in.

3. The Dusseldorf Alt with my managers at Park/Beach Chalet- Beach and Park Chalets are San Francisco Restaurant/Breweries just south of the Cliffhouse. The Dusseldrof Alt was a beer that was dark, full of flavor, and 12 percent alcohol by volume. Oh so good. Our brewmaster, Aaron, eventually turned the "leftovers" into a scotch.

2. The Riptide Red at my San Francisco going away party at Kevin & Scott's house-My friends Kevin and Scott are on this list twice... I guess their names are synonymous with good beer. I bought a large keg of my favorite microbrewed beer from my work, Beach Chalet. Kevin and Scott provided their apartment and nice keg tap and fridge. It was the "Adult" kegger.

1. The Barleywine made by Kevin & Scott- My friend Kevin gave me this beer for my 27th birthday. We had to let it age for a half-year, and then, when it was ready, we went to Kevin's house to drink them. He greeted us with a broken rib (he got it playing basketball, he recently had a dislocated knee for the same reason. This may not sound abnormal, except when you know that Kevin is studying LAW, not playing basketball professionally.) He proceeded to break out more and more of this dark amazing nectar of the gods.

Top 5 Worst Haircuts

Honorable Mentions:

The Rat Tail-leaving just one bit of your hair to grow long doesn't make you cool. It makes you uncommitted.
The Combover- you are bald. Deal.
The Mushroom, Helmet head or Dickhead cut that all the kids had in the ealry 90's.
The Bee-Hive- might be top 5 if anyone actually wore it anymore, but it has kinda faded away. Only Marge can pull this off.
Anything cut with a Flowbee-remember those?

5. Don King's 'Do- Even with only one man in the world sporting this cut, it STILL deserves to make the top 5. What. The hell. Is this?

4. The Emo- Either be grunge or be glam, you cannot be both.

3. The Flat Top- My brother used to have one in the 80's. Honestly, who's idea was this?

2. Jheri Curl- At least leave it as a fro. Why must you make it part fro, part greaser? And, yes, that is Jamie Foxx.

1. The Mullet- Worst haircut of all time. Period

Top 5 San Francisco Muni Lines

I used to live in San Francisco. It had a great public transportation system, albeit a bit colorful at times. This list is to celebrate that color. If you want a list of best muni lines to get you around San Francisco, this is not the list for you. If you have ridden SF's muni a lot and have the battle scars to prove it, read on.

Honorable Mentions:

The 108 out to Treasure Island-Some very interesting people ride this bus. The ride sucks, but sadly its the only way out to the quite awesome Treasure Island.
BART-I actually love the BART. It is cheap, fast and takes you places, but this picture was taken outside of a BART station, and I just had to post it.
F-Market- The line goes from Castro through downtown on Market and then out to the Embarcadero. The line use the old fashioned street cars from all over the country. It is a pretty route, with cool cable cars, but I have seen old ladies pushing shopping carts make better time.
6 Parnassus- I have heard an SF saying, "slower than the 6 Parnassus"

5. The Cable Cars-yes, they are pretty, and,yes, they deserve to be on the top 5, seeing as how they are everyone's iconic view of San Francisco, but they really are mainly tourist traps. They don't go anywhere useful, and their views aren't as good as some.

4. The L taraval-Anyone who has gone to college at SFSU has ridden this line more times than they can count. Lots of great times.

3. 38 Geary- One of the SF double busses. It takes you where you need to go and it does it well.

2. The Owl- have you ridden it? It may be a crazier ride than the Knight Bus in Harry Potter. They can get you across the city in 5 minutes. You may just have to wait 2 hours to catch one. I am convinced there is a secret password to call it, and I just don't know it.

1. The N line- Just name it and it takes you there. Starts in the Sunset (near GG Park), goes out to the 9th and Irving (near good eats and drinks) AND it is is one of the only cars that goes out to the Cal Train Station an SBC Park (or whatever it's called now)

Top 5 Saturday Morning Cartoon

This is a list of Saturday Morning Cartoons. South Park and the Simpsons are great , but they are nighttime shows. They had to have come on saturday morning when they were on. This also disqualifies some classic Disney Channel cartoons such as Duck Tales, Gummi Bears, Darwing Duck etc.

Honorable Mentions-
Thundercats- Search for their blooper reel. Hysterical. "What the fuck is a Samouflange?"
Looney Tunes- From Wayne's World, "When Bugs Bunny put on a dress and pretended to be a girl Bunny did you find her attractive?" (I also like what little I've seen of the new superhero version of the Looney Tunes, Lunatics Unleashed)
Tiny Toons- "Elelator go down da hole"
Scooby-Doo- "I Rove Ru Raggy"
Smurfs-The smurfs had absurdly foul mouths, they used a different word, but we all know what they meant. "Go Smurf yourself"

5. Voltron-
4. The Batman- a new cartoon, but awesome, "I'm moving to Metropolis!"

3. The Tick- "Spooooooooooooon!"

2. The Anamaniacs- "The same thing we do every night, Pinky...try to take over the world"

1. Transformers-

Top 5 things curly hair does to a woman

I know this sounds odd, but think about all the curly haired ladies you know...

5. Makes them sexy-no offense to the straight haired ladies, you're all sexy too

4. Makes them hard to understand-at least when you're sober.

3. Makes them hold their liquor better-there is no scientific proof of this, just something I've noticed

2. Makes them bitch about their hair-How often have you heard a friend with curly hair look at another curly-haired lady and say, "See, her hair looks great. I wish mine would look that good." When you turn to look at the aforementioned lady, her hair looks exactly. The same. As your friend's!

1. Makes them insane

Top 5 Talk Show Hosts

This is a list of my favorite current talk show hosts, not my favorite of all time. The talk show has to be currently on air. So no Carson, Carson or.... Carson.

Honorable mentions:
Oprah- the most powerful person in the world (I may go missing tomorrow for not putting her in the top 5
Jimmy Kimmel- very funny man. His unnecessary censorship segment is one of my favorites on any late night show.
Craig Ferguson- who? he took over for Craig Kilborne after Letterman, and he is surprisingly funny. I hate not having him on the top 5, but I didn't feel right leaving Larry King off of the top

5. Larry King- The man is going on his 51st year of Talk Show TV. He is a brilliant interview and very hard-hitting.

4. Ellen DeGeneres- Can't catch daytime TV often , but when I see clips, the show is very funny.

3. Jon Stewart- faces off with politicians very seriously and cracks jokes with the comedians and sometimes vice versa.

2. David Letterman- It pains me to delegate one of my heroes and the current "King" of late night to number 2, but I am afraid the up-and-comer below has a better show, in my opinion.

1. Conan O'Brien- I cattch myself laughing out loud from this show more often than any other. When he takes over the Tonight Show from Leno, and Letterman eventually retires, I think we will have only one dominant late night show again. Conan will be the new Johnny.

Top 5 Musicians Who Died Before Their Peak

This Top 5 is a little harder to explain and is a little controversial. The idea of this Top 5 is not to list the biggest and best musicians who died before their time. It is to list artists who could've contributed much more to music if they hadn't died. Musicians whose music could have significantly changed musical history if they had made more music. So, that being said, you will not find John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, or Kurt Cobain on this list. They may have had more music in them, but I think they both had a chance to get most of it to us or at the very least reached a peak in their musical career. Cobain, Marley, Hendrix, and Lennon's music at least had a chance to make history. Those below didn't get their full chance, I believe.

Other Disqualifications:
Tupac and Biggie- Their music became more popular AFTER their death and possibly because of it. Besides, I am convinced they are alive and well somewhere in Cabo suckin' down margaritas.
Dimebag Darell-famous for being shot on stage. However his music wasn't really influential and he is more famous for how he died.
Keith Moon- Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend were really the creative heart of The Who.

Honorable mentions:
Brian Epstein- Not a musician, but he was the manager of the Beatles until his death in '66. That was when the Beatles' egos flared and they started fighting. We might have had more Beatles without his death.
Duane Allman- named #2 guitarist of all time by Rolling Stone, would he be better than Clapton if he lived? They at least would have made more music together than Layla
Aaliyah-Just on the verge of superstardom. By all accounts very hardworking and down to earth.

5. Robert Johnson- the only member of the "Forever 27" club on my list. If you don't know him, the song "Crossroads" is by him as well as about him. His guitar skills came about so fast people thought he sold his soul to the devil for his talent. His genius is also that he never denied it. He died young after only a couple of albums and under mysterious circumstances. Blues artists of the same era made 3 times as many albums and are largely unremembered. The little but of music Johnson made influences rock legends of today.

4. Marvin Gaye- He had just on a Grammy for his song "Sexual Healing" before his clergyman father murdered him. Very sad.

3. Selena- not really my type of music, but she was just becoming a star when she died. She had a lot more music in her, and unfortunately her death has sold more J. Lo albums than her 3.

2. Bradley Nowell- Sublime had just signed with a major record company. He had an amazing voice and songwriting talent. I so wish we could've had a couple more albums from him and his band.

1. Buddy Holly-He went down early in his career and the Beatles themselves attribute all their success to his influence. The "Beatles" name itself is in honor of the "crickets" who backed up Buddy Holly. Where would his career have gone if he stuck around?

Top 5 Types of Flowers

Honarable mentions:

Roses, these are classic flowers. Plus they can pave the way to...well, let's admit it...sex
Sunflowers, not just for providing seeds to eat at baseball games
Birds of Paradise, named after the bird of the same name. Very cool flowers

5. Flower- The skunk from the Disney cartoon, Bambi. Great use of irony. Was anyone else surprised later in the movie when flower turns out to be a dude?

4. Snapdragon- The name notwithstanding, these flowers are like small toys. You can make 'em sing, or roar or whatever just by pinching them. Definitely the manliest flower.

3. Tulip- Tulips come in some awesome colors and they just look like classic flowers.

2. Lilly- fragrant and nice looking, kickass

1. Orchid- hands down coolest flower

Top 5 Most Badass Lost Characters

For all you Lost fans, here is a list of the top 5 most badass Lost charaters. Anything goes, as long as they have been on the show. Careful of Spoilers into Season 4. I didn't include the Island as a character in my list, although I probably could have.
Honorable Mentions:
John Locke, would have made the top 5 in season 1 and 2. I mean, he was a paraplegic who started walking again.
Desmond, He sees the future and saves lives
Sawyer, seems like he should make the top 5 since he is the original badass on the island. But he gets his ass kicked an awful lot these days. He got some badass points back when he killed Locke's Dad.
Ben, He has done any physical ass-whooping, but after what we've seen him do, he deserves to be on this list.

5. Hurley- He may be fat but don't count him out. Lest we forget, he whooped Sawyer both in a fight and in ping pong. He also drove down a bunch of Others with VW bus.

4. Jin- he once SAVED a guy's life by kicking his ass, that's impressive. Also, an excellent Panda deliverer.

3. Juliet- She can create life in unfertile wombs, has knocked out Jack with her head and now beaten down the new, annoying, red-haired chick.

2. Mr. Eko- We don't want to forget the giant drug dealer turned priest. He's dead now, but it took the monster to kill him. Saddest death on the show so far for me. (Sorry, Charlie.)

1. Sayid- He was even kickin' Eko's ass until he got ganged up on. He could round house Chuck Norris in the face and live to tell the tale.