Top 5 Animals It Would Be Awesome to Be

This is not a list of my favorite animals, or the coolest animals. This is a list of animals it would be awesome to actually be. Meaning they have it made in some great way that would make awesome to live as that animal. I love polar bears, wolves, and koalas for example, but I don't relish the amount of time and trouble wolves and polar bears have to put in to feed themselves and stay alive. Koalas have the opposite problem, in that I think I would get bored out of my mind the second day sleepin on a Eucalyptus tree. (Plus, excuse my language below. For some reason the word "fuck" just seemed to get used a lot in this blog)

Flying Squirrel-We can't quite fly, but we can do the next best thing and flying just seems like such a cool thing to do. Unfortunately, we are also lunch for a crapload of other animals.
Elephant-No one fucks with an elephant. We are huge and we never forget. Hell, we are the mafia of the animal world. The authorities couldn't even figure out where we put our dead until recently. Plus we have cool nose-arms.
Kangaroo-We are the kings and queens of our territory. We can hop, stand on our tails, and kick the crap out of others with our feet. We have to face some lean times now and then, but our ladies can put their pregnancy on hold whenever they want. Talk about awesome birth control.

Owl- We are wise, can fly, and see in the dark. Nothing messes with us, and mice are easy to find. None of that hard-to-find-prey that wolves, tigers, bears, and hawks have to mess with. Just furry hot pockets whenever we want.

5. Orangutan, Lemur or other tree Ape-

Basically we're small humans that can swing from tree branch to tree branch without all that working for a living crap. Wanna bannana?

4. Male Lion-Dude, a bunch a bitches get our food and give us love all day long. 'Nough said.

3. Sea Turtle-

We are chill without being lazy, and fuckin' impervious. Seriously, try to eat us, we dare you. Basically, we can't be fucked with and we don't fuck with anyone, 'cuz, quite frankly, we don't need to. That and we get to glide around all day in the beautiful reefs like we're flying. We also exist all over the world, so we can go where we want, when we want.

2. Pelican- Yeah, we're funny lookin'. But think about it. But we hang out by the ocean all day, play in the surf and easily catch a fish whenever we want. We hang with a large group of buddies and have no real predators. Oh, and we can fly!

1. Dolphin-We are smarter than all hell and probably wiser than humans. Our life consists of playing and protecting those who aren't as awesome as we are. (like a foolish human getting to close to great white sharks.) We are also extremely well travelled. We have my own awesome sonar language. We have no real predators, and if a Great White really annoys us, we'll get some friends and will kick its ass. And then go race a boat of tourists. Nothing is more awesome than us. Oh, and thanks for all the fish!